Dear Friends,
This is my personal reflection on what it means to be a female conductor in a (still) male-dominated industry. I'd like to thank the CSO leadership and the community for trusting me with this amazing opportunity 10 years ago.
Why Representation Matters
from a perspective of a “small Asian lady” conductor and a Music Director of a mid-sized Southern city
Ten years ago, I was appointed as the Music Director of the Chattanooga Symphony & Opera. I was the first female, first Asian, and the youngest (and probably the shortest) Music Director in this charming mid-sized Southern city in Tennessee. I will forever be grateful for the confidence the search committee had in me and for the community for embracing and welcoming me.
When I first became the Music Director of the CSO, I was constantly asked “How does it feel to be a female conductor?” At first, I was confused. It felt as funny as being asked “How does it feel to be so short?” I don’t actually remember how I used to reply (most likely with some sarcasm and self-deprecating humor), but over time, I began to realize how important it is to answer that question thoughtfully and respectfully.
Two years ago, I had an amazing opportunity to conduct the Illinois All-State Honor Orchestra. There were approximately 200 talented and eager students ready to work and make beautiful music. At a rehearsal, I gave an alternate fingering to the flute section while reassuring them that I am a flute player. Right after this experience, I received an encouraging email from a student, which warmed my heart.
“I’m _____. I was one of the flutes in the All-State Honors Orchestra. I wanted to thank you for the wonderful experience you gave us as a great conductor. I am a high school senior at ___, Illinois and plan on majoring in music ed when I go to college. I hope to succeed as an orchestra conductor like you one day. I wasn’t sure if woodwind players could become effective orchestra conductors until I watched you this weekend! I was beyond thrilled when you revealed that you play flute, and it was so empowering to have a small Asian lady like me as a conductor. Thanks for the inspiration!”
After reading this email, I finally understood why people keep asking me “How does it feel to be a female conductor” or any other marginalized category I belong to. Now my answer is, “I feel honored to be able to represent ___ with the best of my ability.”
On a flip side, when I hear a story about another Asian female conductor behaving unpleasantly, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Well, that’s too bad, that orchestra probably won’t hire another Asian female conductor for a long time.” While it is unfair, if you belong in an underrepresented population in your field, your actions and reputation affect the rest of that population. This bears an enormous responsibility. Ten years ago as a rookie Music Director, I was too focused on only representing myself as a conductor, and I had no idea what it means to be someone who has an immense responsibility to represent a specific population. Now I do.
Going forward, I hope to have many more opportunities to work with young musicians. I would like my presence on the podium to help normalize the existence of a non-stereotypical conductor in a leadership position. We still have a lot more work to do as an industry, but I am ready to be part of the solution. I am ready to help create a future where people do not need to wonder “how it feels to be a small Asian lady (or any other underrepresented adjective) conductor.” Until then, I will wear these adjectives with pride and honor on my double-decker podium.
